When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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