well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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