ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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