My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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