the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's blow job season.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
