PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize