My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
