The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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