White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
