At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
