So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
