So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
