My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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