U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
