Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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