i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
