wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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