I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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