Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
