Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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