Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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