Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I haven't been this sober since birth.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
