I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
