Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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