Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
