Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you made out with another girl for some wings
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
