you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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