I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
