I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
