I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
