This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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