Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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