This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
