my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
