btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
