I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
