I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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