i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
