I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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