Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
