If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
