one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
