I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize