Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
