You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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