i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Boobs speak an international language.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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