Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
