So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize