the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
