Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
