every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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