All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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