Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize