I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize