My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
