no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
