She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
