i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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