I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
