I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize