I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
