I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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