Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
