somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
