Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
